BREAKING NEWS
Report by Sven Waldbruder, ANN
Updated April 1, 2021
atWar World Headquarters, Djibouti -- a group of dejected, angry nerds were seen leaving the atWar head offices earlier today. Anonymous sources tell us a heated meeting took place between CEO and well-known egomaniac hothead, Dave, and the atWar Moderation Team, which apparently ended with Dave quoted as saying "I'm tired of this sh*t, you're all fired!"
A short time later, with no Moderators around to stop them, a small group of communist activists, and one guy wearing a sailor hat, were seen infiltrating the building. Witnesses reported hearing gunfire erupt inside. No one has exited the building since, and the whereabouts of Mr. Dave, who was believed to be inside at the time, are as yet unknown.
Meanwhile, a group calling themselves the People's Socialist Front of the Revolutionary People's Army (PSFRPA) released a statement on the Twitter account @we_love_stalin which read: "We, the comrades of the PFSRPA, declare the workers paradise of atWar is now established for all time. Brothers and sisters, join us to make atWar fair and equitable for all. Also, please subscribe to our YouTube channel. Thank you."
A spokesman for the PSFRPA, who declined to be named, explained several of the changes being put into effect immediately: "from now on, there will be no more losers on atWar. Everyone will receive an equal share of the SP winnings, even when they don't play. Duels will gain ELO to BOTH players. Premium subscriptions and ProtoCoins will be given for free. Everything will be perfect and wonderful, unlike all the other communist utopias which were tried and failed before us. This time, we will get it right."
We reached out to several members of the atWar Supporter Team for comment, but as of the time of this writing we have not received any response. According to sources, it seems the Supporters are unsure which side to support in the current power struggle.
We did speak with Mr. Jerko Mbumba, CEO of Discount Web Servers of Djibouti, the company which hosts atWar. According to Mbumba, atWar's March invoice has not been paid and, unless arrangements are made, the servers are scheduled to be shut down at Midnight April 1st, Djibouti Central Time.
When asked about the server situation, the PSFRPA spokesman told us: "it's not a problem... we are sending a copy of Das Kapital to every employee (both of them) at Discount Web Servers of Djibouti. We are sure they will see the error of their capitalist ways and give us the servers we need for free."
A random citizen we confronted on the street in search of a quote for the opposing viewpoint said, "who the f*ck is Atwar? I don't know him. Stop asking me questions."
